Tuesday, March 27, 2007

For the love of shiny dresses

Let me first preface this post by saying that, if you go blind from looking at all the sequins and glitz, blame Isabel ... she came up with this idea and I just had to copy.

However, if you laugh so hard that your belly hurts, I'll take the blame. I am, after all, the girl who paid good money to look like:

1. A big green mermaid with horrid posture
2. Cookie Monster in drag
3. An ice skater whose dress is far too long

So, without futher ado, let's take a stroll down memory lane and dive right into the horror that was prom fashion in the mid ’90s.

Above is a picture from my very first prom. I was a sophomore and Doug, my very courteous date, was a junior. It was almost too awesome to comprehend that my presence had been requested at the prom by an upperclassman. I was hot snot — can't you tell by the way I carried myself? What posture I had!

In shopping for this dress, I must have tried on a hundred different gowns. The simple black dress just would not do. I had to make a statement, and that statement apparently was, "Look!! I've adorned myself with ruffles and sparkles ... and best of all, I'm wearing GREEN!!!

I knew it was a bold statement that no one else would have the guts to make, so I did it. I paid about $200 for this handmade little ditty and wore it with pride on the big night with my very first pair of heels ... which were dyed to match the dress, of course.

I also decided to do my own hair — you never would've known I didn't have that mop professionally styled, eh? Oh yes, the hot rollers were in full effect!

Next up was my very own junior prom.

What I remember about this dress was that I had enough sense to know that I looked rather matronly in it. However, it was the only dress I could find that fit me appropriately. I wasn't fat, but I sure wasn't skinny, and they just don't make prom dresses for girls who have already developed, if you know what I mean. (And, apparently, no one in the formal shop where I purchased this dress clued me in on the wonders of a push-up bra ... ugh!)

The afternoon of the prom, I had my hair frosted ... yes, I said F-R-O-S-T-E-D — because that's what my mother said looked best and for some reason, I trusted her on that. So, in addition to wearing a blue, blue, blue sequined gown that made me look like Dorothy on "The Golden Girls," I also had a frosted 'do' that had a whole lot of hair spray keeping it in place.

I was feelin' not-so-hot, but you win some and you lose some, right?

Finally, we have my senior prom.

God, how I *loved* this dress. I saved and saved and saved to pay this baby off — all $400 of it. (Scary, eh?)

The thing weighed about 100 pounds with all the beading — and check out those shoulder pads!!

But man, did I feel good ... I just didn't like having my picture taken because, you know that is so not cool, Mom!

Once again, I did my own hair. I don't know what I had against a simple updo; I suppose I just had to bring out those hot rollers one last time.

My date was Brian, a guy I worked with at Chick-fil-A who most resembled a giraffe. He danced like one, too.

So, there you have it! I'll extend the challenge to you all — Go ahead, you know you want to!