Baby skillz 101

I'm sore today. My left arm is on fire, and my right calf is actually throbbing. But I feel like I accomplished something amazing.

Did I do some kind of bizarre left upper-body workout combined with a right lower-body workout? Nope.

All I did was hold a baby - without moving for 45 minutes straight - in the same position: elbow up, knee balancing a pacifier. It was serious business, trust me.

You see, after a rather stressful 30 minutes at a hair salon in Atlanta in which I felt like the biggest dork for not knowing how to calm a crying 1-month-old (as about five or six other women watched me squirm with nervous smiles on their motherly faces) I was NOT going to disturb the little angel who had FINALLY fallen asleep in my arms.

So there I sat. As still as a statue, and thank goodness he didn't wake up, because I was out of tricks.

If you couldn't tell, I have exactly zero experience with babies. And that's not because I don't love children. I want about 10 of them someday. Well, maybe two. But anyhow, I'm an only child who never grew up around baby cousins or even friends with younger siblings. I didn't babysit, either.

So when Allison journeyed all the way to the back of her salon yesterday, and I looked down at the little guy with a furrowed brow sitting in his carrier, I immediately tried to reason with him.

Me: Please, please don't cry.
Baby: Wait a second, where's my mom??!?
Me: Oh no, your face is turning red. You're not about to cry, are you?
Baby: YOU. ARE. NOT. MY. MOM!
Me: Please, PLEASE don't cry.
Baby: Waaaaaah! Waaaaaah! WAAAH-AAAH-AAAH!!!
Other mothers in waiting area: Awww, bless his heart. He's so cute! Is he wet? Is he hungry? How old is he? Are you his mother? etc. ...
Me: Oh God, I'm in trouble.

After numerous attempts at giving him a pacifier, rocking his carrier, taking him out of the carrier and walking him around the salon, trying to soothe him with quiet pleas, giving him a bottle and goodness knows what else I tried in the midst of my panic, I think he finally wore himself out. I know I was beat.

We eased into a chair and bam! He was out. Praise the Lord.

Forty-five minutes later, Allison emerged with the cutest perky haircut I've ever seen, and much to my gratitude looked down at her sleeping baby and said, "Aw, he looks SO content. Good job!"

Whew.

Next up: Retail therapy at Crate & Barrel, where I bought these:

They're salt and pepper shakers perfect for work! I'm forever searching my desk for little packets of salt and pepper, but now I've got the cutest shakers ever. Made from recycled materials, I thought these little guys were neat-o!

So, I rewarded myself and bought 'em. After all, I deserved it.